Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I love you.
Bad choice
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
