Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
