I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
