My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize