Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
