also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
