I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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