It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
