Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
