I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
