You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
