She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Four minutes until I can fart!
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
