The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
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