those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
