If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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