Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
