Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
