so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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