im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
