and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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