She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize