It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
