Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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