He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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