I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
