After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
