I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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