Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
zippers are such a cool invention
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
