I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
