I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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