my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
