you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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