i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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