I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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