She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
