I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I love you. Go after that dick
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
