Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
