I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
