I think I just saw someone hide a body.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I think my moral compass just broke
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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