i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
