wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
