i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
