you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
soo... how was my night?
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