I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
