At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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