Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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