Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
