The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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