i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
