where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
