Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
