you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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