i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize