I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
the day after is always just damage control
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Randomize
