Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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