kristin has been a bad kristin
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
