Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
