We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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