How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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