It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
