He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize