Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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