dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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