girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
