Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
