so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
