just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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