So drunk its hurt
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
