Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
