I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
